Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Notes from the Studio: Monday 28th May 2012

Another beautiful morning at FringeLab...

Sleep deprivation

"Are you satisfied with 
The Life you're living?"
-V- No!
Here & Now is not the same as

Noticing the city

Patterns on the street
Physical response



In this our city
Cross the bridge

Blue lights

cheap/free activities

This is my body

what can I live without.

Hair growth.

The curve of the ceiling
he notices the caterpillar in the forest



No straight lines


Belly drum

       BREATHS +

body finding another rhythem                                                                                         chant/call
beyond rave.
opening up
child like
Lead with the heart.

ENDURANCE duration
physical movement
physical stillness.

Bare Feet.

pg. 53.


It's always goign to be tough
but it's always going to be
extraordinary especially if
it's 100% Reality.

White light
Physical stillness
Awareness within

I don't think this is the way its
supposed to be.

Everyday I walk into the Unknown towards the
Here & Now tests the theory. 
I believe everyone has the right to a
home. To have that choice.
I was aiming for a different life.
I'm trying to find another way to live. To be.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Meeting with Ria at Depaul Ireland

Thursday, 19th April 2012: Meeting with Ria at Depaul Ireland

I met with Ria from Depaul Ireland today to talk about this project and learn about the services Depaul provide.  We started with me telling Ria about what I’m working on, the various phases and how I think it might develop over the next year really.  I was a bit nervous about what Ria would think about Phase 3 and the durational aspect of it, she’s the first professional working in the area that I’ve spoken to directly about this and I wondered what she’d think.  The ethical concerns I have are still there, I’m still trying to consider all of that and work through it, so we talked about that.  Ria was supportive and patient in listening to me!
I was particularly interested in learning about Sundial House  on James’s Street, known as a ‘wet shelter’ where people are allowed to bring in and drink alcohol on the premises.  It’s the first such centre in Ireland and the only one available for people experiencing homelessness and provides accommodation for 30 people, previously long-term street drinkers.  Sundial has single and twin rooms with en suite facilities.  Each person living there is assigned a key worker, who creates a care plan with the person which looks at the individual’s situation and how to potentially make changes in their life.  The plan comes from the individual who decides what will work for them with the support and help of their key worker.  Each person is responsible for their own care plan and  key workers work to the pace set by the individual rather than anything being imposed across the board and applied to everyone, instead it facilitates each individual finding and making their own way with the support of the key worker.  Depaul describe this approach as “a holistic harm reduction response to the presenting needs of those housed.”  

I was most interested in Sundial because when I did the Simon Soup Run years ago, we used to end up at the wet shelter at the end of the Saturday night run, and would bring in whatever we had left and have a chat with the people there. It was then on Aungier Street, but the facilities in that building weren’t adequate and it was shut down due to a fire, re-opening on James’s Street in September 2008.  This is where T....  was, for a day, his Social Worker managed to get him a place after trying for a while because there was a limit on the amount of beds available.  I went with T…. in a taxi on the day he started and later that evening went back down to see how he was getting on, he’d spent the day in the toilet and walked out the door with me when I left.  At that point I don’t think he was able for other people any more, I think his world had gotten very small and he felt overwhelmed by the other people.  T…. would have been termed a long-term street drinker who was homeless, he lived on the hospital grounds really, and had created a daily circuit where he would spend time with the staff he’d gotten to know and felt comfortable with.  He could name any song he heard, who wrote it, the year it was in the charts and what number it reached.   I’m realizing more and more that he’s my inspiration for this project, it all really started when I met and became friends with T…. (R.I.P).

Ria explained more about the ethos of Depaul to me, they use an approach which came from the services in the North of Ireland called The Outcome Star which facilitates people assessing for themselves their needs and whatever changes they want to make and when they choose to make them, with the project & key workers providing the necessary supports when they do, to put their plans into action.
Depaul place a high priority on arts practice within the services, that’s how I got to know about them, my sister Grace did a project at Sundial in 2010 as part of the Life’s No Picnic on the Streets Programme which is an on-going programme that links professional artists with the service users of Depaul working through various arts practices like theatre, art, photography, creative writing.  The one Grace facilitated was creating a series of workshops with people in Sundial, and presenting a mobile theatre piece at Electric Picnic 

We talked about the Clancy shelter, harm reduction, Housing First model from New York City, Home First: independent living and meeting the needs of the people.  We talked about the ‘Crash Bed’ scheme operating in the U.K. where you can provide a bed for a night for some one, without anything else, where someone experiencing homelessness can literally ‘crash’ for just the night. And about The Bridge in Minnesota for Young People

Ria explained the new system of accessing a bed at night which is now centralised on Capel Street.

We talked about the word Angel coming up again and again, and I learned that Depaul have an initiative for fundraising called ‘Depaul Angels’ which I hadn’t heard of before.  There was an art project making ceramic angels which could be painted in different centres and sold at Christmas time.  I learned that “Angel” and being called “Angel” is a real thing that happens, all the time, Ria gave ma a present of one of the ceramic angels, which was lovely! (see photo)
We talked about the article in The Irish Times about the rise in Non Irish people experiencing homelessness in the recession, people who were previously working who lost their jobs and didn’t have the resources to go home, or didn’t want to go home.  I talked about seeing the Irish men homeless when I lived in London and how you’d know they were Irish, the sadness of thinking of them stuck over there.  Ria told me about the hostel on Charlemont Street which  which was run specifically for non-Irish people and had a 50 bed capacity. [The service was closed in March and the men living there were moved into other accomodation with floating outreach support provided by Depaul -- http://www.homelessagency.ie/Media/2012-News/Relocation-of-Homeless-Service-Supporting-Migrants.aspx.]
And we talked about the amount of Young People experiencing homelessness in Ireland right now, and the different service provisions available to them, for those with their families and those alone, and the difficulty of dealing with their needs within the services, mostly adult focused, and the need not to duplicate already stretched services.

I was really inspired by the type of work Depaul do and the ethos of the organisation, looking for alternative models and ways to provide services to those who need them, it felt to me like an extremely vibrant organisation with a huge amount of energy within all focused on making a difference in people’s lives.  As I was leaving, Ria gave me another present, The Duke Special CD, two presents!  I’m very grateful to Ria for taking the time to meet with me and talk to me about the amazing work of Depaul and also discussing this project with me.  I had a lovely time at Depaul, and I hope to visit Sundial House some time in the next few weeks.
Thanks Ria!

Ria sent me some ammendments and clarifications to this entry which I've incorporated and also sent me further information:

Housing First information re. Dublin Homeless situation:

 RTE's new programme 'The New Irish'- http://www.rte.ie/player/#v=1148108 

 I'm really very grateful to Ria for taking the time to do this, thanks again.

We Must Find Another Way...23rd May 2012



Thoughts in the studio...23rd May 2012

Beautiful first day in the FringeLab Studio, amazing space, loads of light and lovely feeling too.  Thank you ABSOLUT Fringe.

"I Learn without Fear"

I climbed another mountain.

Is there any where else
I'd rather be HERE & NOW
This is my body


Hypocrisy of owning a house

The woman with the five kids and husband who is "not good to her". Milk Bread & Sausages.

A project to downsize my possession, a list of everything I can't think to throw away and potential solutions...

The height of the river.


The moment of the ball in the water

Wind chimes and ducks, the Alps in the sun,
Annecy France, beautiful

building bridges 

Abundance: enough without waste

And I'm grateful for the time & space 
to just be.

Sleep.  And begin again.
Try. J'essay


Rain Gear

I can get up and walk out of a city

Let it be as it was meant to be


Listening to the soul of the world

The heart in the palm

There are no Absolutes

pg. 33

"Tá mo chroí briste
 Buíochas le Dia"

The malady
- Give me back what I have lost
-San Antón-

Annecy, May 2012.

She learns, or rather she remembers that 
Love is an Action
As she stands amidst the Alps, sun warming the soul
Snow making all things pure
She dives into the lake to feel again 
That part of her that says
I Am.
Here and Now.
I Am.
The Love and Abundance and Joy of 
The Life
is neither a theory nor a game.
It is the Beauty of The Essence
The Energy of The Universe making everything new.
And I Am exists within.

I've been seeing the lights...

I've been seeing the lights...

I'm watching this because you told me to.
Will it change my life?

"Whoose Afraid of Virginia Woolfe"

"I don't think I've had my little present yet"

"And don't forget my little present."
Apparently what Elizabeth Taylor used to say before signing a contract.  Vera adopted it in her own way.

Oprah's Final show:
Release the Shame
"Live from the heart of yourself. 
Sparks the heart of you."

"...each has your own platform
wherever you are...
The Power is the same - everybody has a calling."


30,000 interviews: "there is a common thread, unworthiness.
Knowing that you are WORTHY."

"When you know better, you do better."

"I am responsible... for the energy that you create for yourself and bring to others."

"Use your calling to serve the world"

"Joy of doing what you are meant to be doing"
"I knew this is where I was meant to be"
"calling ...lights you up."

When is this gonna go away?

Notes on RTE's 'The New Irish-After the Bust'

4th May 2012 Broadcast.
parallels to the Irish who went to London
-desolate buildings-
office blocks
and of the construction boom,

“You don’t have options…
You do whatever you should do.”

2004: 200, 000 foreign workers outside the EU, 10 new countries joined the EU.

1/3 of people sleeping rough in Ireland are non-Irish, 20’s to 40’s age range
migrant workers

Capuchins Brothers providing food, one Brother said he would rather they go back to their own country instead of staying here and draining our Social Welfare resources…

CEO Depaul Ireland – dependent on alcohol, very hard cycle to break.

“Two options on the street drugs or alcohol”

“When your on the streets you lose the self belief”

“We’re left on our bollix”
“The Irish man is left”

2008 – reached a peak

[The Other]


-fewer than 15 of the 50 men housed here are entitled to Social Welfare
2004: ‘Habitual Residency Conditions’ – a test, complicated, aspects: how long? working? paying taxes?

employer had never paid PRSI for the worker

[city looks beautiful]

Simon Rough Sleepers Team, Paul Magee, services being cut

Racism from young people in the background
going back with nothing
cannot go home
Dublin now is their home
accepted and addressed
making the transition from homelessness is challenging

Irish Racism- “foreign fucks, they only come for the dole.”

BARKA: a Polish organization working in London
- Repatriation, 5 people went back
Dorota Magdalena
“Our role is mainly reconnection, so we are helping people to return back home.”


Monday, May 7, 2012

Scrappy Notes...

18th April 2012

I'm aware that I still have the letter from the ritual in my back pocket...

Camino notebook: abstract? Pre O'Ceibrio?

30th April 2012

"Let the Lands Come..."

This is what I know so far...

This is what I have ...

I ate...

I slept...

I met...

She wants you to know...

He wants you to know...

I'm aware that I still have the letter from the ritual in my back pocket...(daily ritual?)


He's the inspiration, it all started with him.

Blog videos - sort out when I get the Bursary
Occupying Space
How people are spending their time 

Paper with lists of research of other projects form Dee Heddon & Cathy Turner (wrights & sights) 'Walking Women: Interviews with Artists on the Move' :

Ana Lara Lopez de la Torre

 Tamara Ashley & Simone Kenyan

Sorrel Muggidge & Laura Nanni 
 'Further Afeild'
'Living Landscapes'
'The Climb'

Doreen Massey

Lone Twin

Misha Myers
'Yodel Rodeo'
'Way from Home'

Janet Cardiff

'The Situationsits'

Elspeth Owen
'Grandmother's Footsteps'
'In the Dark'
'In the Dark'

Rachel Gomme

Emma Bush
'Village Walk'

'Walk Walk Walk' 
'Night walks'
"...an archeology of the familiar and the forgotten"

April 2012

"what you see is governed by what you expect to see"
- Prof. Jenny Clack

 "...all our discoveries, fossils will remain..."
-Prof Jenny Clack

"We should remember that we [human beings] are only here temporarily, we do need to bear in mind that someday something will evolve to take our place at some point
....my betting is on rodents actually."
-Prof Jenny Clack

 Potter - last interview

'Unsettled - From Tinker to Traveller' RTE documentary


'A Brief History of Time'

need to be able to talk shit...

...Open Your Doors....



Spatial awareness - walking in my space...

Occupying Space - things to do, spending time

I'm confused about...

Maybe you could help me with...

'The Work of Art in the Age of Mechanical Reproduction: 
-Walter Benjamin
"Marx (...) what capitalism might be thought capable of in years to come.  What emerged was that it might not only be thought capable of increasingly severe explotation of proletarians; ultimately, it may even bring about conditions in which it can itself be done away with."

"The following concepts, here introduced into art theory for the first time, differ from more familiar ones in that they are quite useless for the purposes of Fascism.  They can, on the other hand, be used to formulate revolutionary demands in the politics of art."

"Even with the most perfect reproduction, one thing stands out: the here and now of the work of art - its unique existence in the place where it is at this moment.  But it is on that unique existence and on nothing else that the history has been played out to which during the course of its being it has been subject."

"We can encapsulate what stands out here by using the term 'aura'.  We can say: what shrinks in an age where the work of art can be reproduced by technological means is its aura."

"So far as the present is concerned, conditions are more favourable to such an insight.  And if changes in the medium of perception occuring in our own day may be understood as a fading of aura, the social conditions of that fading can be demonstrated."

"Stripping the object of its sheath, shattering the aura, bear witness to a kind of perception where 'a sense of similarity in the world' is so highly developed that, through reproduction, it even mines similarity from what only happens once."

"The oldest works of art, as we know, came into being in the service of some ritual - magical at first, then religious.  Now it is crucially important that this auric mode of being of the work of art never becomes completely seperated from its ritual function."

"What happened was: when, witht he advent of the first truly revolutionary means of reproduction, namely photography (simultaneously with the dawn of Socialism), art felt a crisis approaching that after a further century became unmistakable, it reacted with the theory of 'l'art pour I'art' ['art for art's sake'], which constitutes a theology of art.  From it there proceeded, in the further course of events, almost a negative theology in the form of the idea of a 'pure' art that rejected not only any kind of social function but also any prompting by an actual subject."

"However, the instant the criterion of genuineness in art production failed, the entire social function of art underwent an upheaval.  Rather than being underpinned by ritual, it came to be underpinned by a different practice: Politics."

"It is no accident, not at all, that the portrait forms the centrepiece of early photography.  In the cult of recalling absent or dead loved ones, the cultic value of the image finds its last refuge."

"Guided by its operator, the camera comments on the performance continuously."

"Film is very much less interested in having the actor portray another person to the audience than in having the actor portray himself to the camera."

"All persons today can stake a claim to being filmed."

"That distinction is becoming a functional one, assuming a different form from one case to the next.  The reader is constantly ready to become a writer.  As an expert, which for good or ill he must inevitably become in a highly specialized labour process (be it merely an expert in some minor matter), he gains access to authorship.  (...) Literary authority is no longer grounded in specialist education but in polytechnic education; it has become common property."

"And if we have a rough idea of how we pick up a cigarette lighter or a spoon, we know little of what actually happens between hand and metal when we do so, not to mention how this will vary according to our current mood."

"Immersion, which is the degenration of the bourgeoisie became a school of asocial behaviour, stands over against diversion as a variety of social behaviour.  Dadist demonstrations did indeed constitute a very violent diversion in that they placed the work of art at the centre of a scandal.  That work had above all to meet one requirement: it must provoke public irritation."

"But man's need for shelter is perennial.  The art of building has never lain fallow.  It's history os longer than that of any other art, and imaginatively recalling its effect is important as regards any attempt to form a conclusion about how the masses relate to art.  BUildings are received twofold: through how they are used and how they are perceived.  Or to put it a better way: in a tactile fashion and in an optical fashion."

"Fascism sees its salvation in allowing the masses to find their voice (not of course, to recieve their due).  The masses have a right to see the ownership structure changed: Fascism seeks to give them a voice in retaining that structure unaltered. Fascism leads logically to an aestheticization of political life." 

"This is how things are, given the kind of aestheticization of politics that Fascism persues.  Communism's reply is to politicize art."

4th May 2012


-woke up with "And so she woke up, woke up from where she was lying, lying still..." in my head.

7th May 2012
Money in Phase 3 discussion...donation based or daily allowance?

Art as Activism - the t-shirt in the film???



It continues changeable...and it's mostly about the revolution...

Monday, 7th May 2012 (Bank Holiday)

It’s been busy lately and I have notes on scraps of paper all over the place, in the cover of books and in my notebook too, so this is an attempt to bring them all together.  It’s the first chance I’ve got to update the blog.  Things are being Trun at me, (Trun is a fun slang word for thrown) which helps to defuse the stress a bit.  There’s a lot going on. It's mostly good, but has been a bit stressy.
I spent some of last week addled.  Addled and really frustrated with the tax system and the lack of clear guidelines on how to get a tax clearance cert which I need really badly at this point and have been trying to get for nearly a month now and other bits of paper that are impacting my life. In general I hate waiting and don’t really have a lot of patience, but clearly I’m learning to wait right now! All of a sudden, again, it’s been quite busy and the week ahead is very busy. 
The week before I did the Loose Canon workshops which was brilliant and very inspiring and helped me get back into performance mode in my body because lately I’ve been facilitating and really enjoying that, but not really getting a chance to practice myself.  Loose Canon have been one of my favorites for years and it was great to get to know a little of how they work and to play with other performers too, which again, is something I don’t get to do that often, because I work on my own a lot of the time.
I also did an installation in the toilet at WERK on Saturday 21st April, I called it “Enough Rope” and came up with it with my then housemate E.  It was based on the Greek pensioner who shot himself in front of the parliament in Athens and we decided to play ‘Jesus Blood Never Failed Me’.  I managed to get it on three different sound devices so that there were layers to the sound and it rose and fell at different levels in the toilet, on the mirror was a quote from Che Guevàra

“The life of a single human being is worth a million times more
than all the property of the richest man on earth.”

It was simple, and I was really only putting three different elements of other peoples together, but I liked it, I can’t get that man in Athens out of my head, I wanted his words to be read, I wanted to read them again and again. I think he deserves to be heard, and he left his letter to be read by us, to be heard.  I've put one of the sheets from the installation up in the hall in my house.

"The collaborationist Tsolakoglou government has annihiliated my ability for my survival, which was based on a very dignified pension that I alone (without any state sponsoring) 
paid for 35 years.

Since my advanced age does not allow me a way of a dynamic reaction (although if a fellow Greek was to grab a kalashnikov, I would be the second after him), I see no other solution that this dignified end to my life, so I don't find myself fishing through garbage cans for my sustenance.

I believe that young people with no future, will one day take up arms and hang the traitors of this country at Syntagma square, just like the Italians did to Mussolini in 1945 
(Piazza Loreta in Milan)."
- Dimitris Christoulas - Athens 2012

I’ve decided that if I meet people about this project, I have to send them the blog entry before I publish it, so that they are okay with it, similar to how I intend to do it in recording and writing up Phase 2 ‘Will You Sleep Rough With Me?’  It’s just manners, and also it’ll help me be accurate on what went on, the downside is it’ll take longer but that’s ok.  So I’ve had a couple of meetings but can’t talk about them yet!

Again, this is really weird, I never do this, it's becoming more and more of a public diary, maybe thats another reason why I haven't updated the blog in a couple of weeks, its odd to be sharing, but it's part of the process of this project now so, I've started it so I'll continue it...
And it's all relevant.  That's the point, I'd forgotten there for a minute!  It's all relevant to HERE & NOW becasue this is what's happening.  This is not only a way to record the process of making this and the development of the project, but training for me in sharing publicly, something that will happen on a daily basis live, and so I need to get used to it and to develop it into a coherent frame, easy to read and understand.  This is training. 
I've been thinking about my camino diary and how that will or won't be part of this in some way...maybe it's just for me, the private 'architecture' of the work...
On a practical level, its a place, one place where everything is together, for me to see it clearly, and in the writing it down and putting it in this one place helps me clarify what I'm thinking about.
It's still hard to do though. Why does making excuses defuse that?!
I suppose it's a mixture of the private and the public, the personal and the political and the intrinsic connection between the two.

So gathering the scraps of notes...

I'm reading back on philosophy texts that I havent looked at since college (Déjà vu?), quotes that resonate with this project, some how, not clear how yet.

"The spirit of revolt can only exist in a society where theoretic equality conceals great factual inequalities."
-Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins 

 "...the rebel - at the moment of his greatest impetus and no matter what his aims
 - keeps nothing in reserve and commits himself completely.
Undoubtedly he demands respect for himself, but only in so far as he 
identifies himself with humanity in general"
- Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins

"When he rebels, a man identifies himself with other men and, from this point of view, 
human solidarity is metaphysical."
-Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins

"Rebellion removes the seal and allows the whole being to come into play.  IT liberates stagnant waters and turns them into a raging torrent."
- Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins

"I rebel - therefore we exist."
-Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins 

"Those who love, friends or lovers, know that lov is not only a blinding flash, but also a long and painful struggle in the darkness for the realization of definitive recognition and reconciliation."
-Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins 

"The revolutionaries to come will not demand an exchange of lives.  They will consent to risk death, but will also agree to preserve themselves as far as they can for the sake of serving the revolution.  
Thus they will accept for themselves the whole burden of guilt."
-Albert Camus, The Fastidious Assassins 

"Rope of gratitude: There are slavish souls who carry their thanks for favours so far that they actually strangle themselves with the rope of gratitude."
- Friedrich Nietzsche, Man Alone with Himself

"Our youth must always be free, discussing and exchanging ideas concerned with what is happening throughout the entire world."
- Che Guevàra 

"When a government has come into power through some form of popular vote, fraudulant or not, and maintains at least an appearance of constitutional legality, the guerilla outbreak cannot be promoted since the possibilities of peaceful struggle have not yet been exhausted."
 - Che Guevàra 

"The life of a singe human being is worth a million times more than
 all the property of the richest man on earth."
- Che Guevàra 

"We are willing to pay the price that takes us to the frontiers of dignity, not beyond."
- Che Guevàra 

"In a Capitalist system, most people live in an invisible cage..
...determined by forces they do not understand."
- Che Guevàra 

I want to go back and research  Marx again, and I want to read Ernesto Che Guevàra's own words in "Reminiscences of the Cuban Revolution". 

The lead up to the Referendum has really kicked off, watching the debate on Vincent Brown last week I found myself screaming at the TV within 5 minutes.  It's very frustrating what's happening right now.  The YES posters are all over the city, and the NO ones are lagging behind, becasue the YES campaign have more money, more resources, it's easier to get their message out there.  I'm in the NO camp, just NO.  NO more of this.  The reason I started shouting at the telly was when Fianna Fáil’s Micheál Martin starting arguing that the reason to vote yes was becaseu all the multinational corporations thought it was a good idea, and it would increase stability and increase the potential for new jobs.  Of course the multinationals want a yes vote.  But their motivation is profit, more profit is their primary motivation, they are not interested in the individuals struggling in Ireland under the austerity measures, who will continue to suffer and suffer more if we ratify this constitutional change.  For me, Joe Higgins of the Socialist Party made most sense.  He was calling for a complete overhall of the political system.  It seems to me like we are trying to fix things within a sytem that is already failing, has failed us completely, and therefore we need to change the system in order to and to even begin to fix the problems we are facing and are in the midst of.

Parrallel to that in the news is the ongoing debate about whether Cardinal Sean Brady should resign when his behaviour or lack of, taking no action in 1975 when he bacame aware of the abuse allegations made against Brendan Smyth, came to light in the BBC documentary "This World - The Shame of the Catholic Church".  Apparently today, 7th May, he is "reflecting seriously on his future." This is madness, he should be gone, in my mind they should all be gone, the whole Catholic Church in Ireland at this point seems defunct and meaningless, at least to me personally, it's actually an insult to the people who suffered at the hands of the abusers to keep engaging with this tyranical and obsolete institution.  And at the same time as this debate about the cardinal's resignation, which seems immenent at this point, the people who suffered still haven't recieved justice from the state, is the cardinal not an accessory to a crime, a vast series of crimes in fact?  Why is his resignation the issue, and not the persuit of justice through the court system?  Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin is calling for a commission to be set up to reveal the whole story of what and how it happened and says  “that until all of this story in its entirety comes out, we are not doing justice to those who were abused and we’re not really getting at the truth”.  The Truth, there are layers of it and it needs to be aired, it needs to be heard publicly for the healing to happen.

This is all related and to my mind as important and vital as the discussion and decision on the referendum and how we are going to proceed as a nation, as a country of individuals living together. What we are doing now is not only affecting us all in the here and now, but is going to impact for the generations ahead.  Who do we want to be?  We have an opportunity to ask that question now, properly, because we're in the chaos, we're in the shit, we have to stand in it, if we jump out of it too quickly we're doomed to make the same mistakes that we've always made again and again, without learning what we need to learn.  We have an opportunity to look at ourselves and ask who are we and what do we want, what do we want to be, becasue we are, in the rawness and difficulty, in the pain and suffering, in the anguish and fear, we are becoming...we need to decide what we want to become.

I went to see Marley yesterday in the IFI. I thought it was a beautiful documentary, very sad story in the end, and threw up a lot of questions in my mind about the work Bob Marley did through his music, his wife described it as being on a mission, when asked about his relationships with other women and how it affected her, she said it wasn't relevant becasue they were on a mission, to bring a message into the world, and she became his 'Guardian Angel'.  Watching his live performance during the One Love Peace Concert in 1978 was extraordinary, he was totally in it, totally there, and at the same time seemed to be channeling something else, something other, from the energy of the Universe.  It was beautiful. He had the power to call the leaders of the two rival political parties, the Jamaican Labour Party and the People's National Party up on stage and join their hands together up over his head on stage.  Apparently the concert didn't stop the escalating violence at the time, but at his funeral in 1981 the two leaders met again and shook hands.  

She became his Guardian Angel...

Notes & 'The Evidence Locker' - Jill Magid (2004)

Saturday, 5th May 2012

                        Protest & Art?                                                  ADDLED.
Guidelines -      - I’m not pretending to be homeless
                        - I’m always myself
- If I blog about a meeting with someone, I send it to then before I publish it.
Trying to clarify my intentions
                        what am I doing?

a song for reading…

emptying the house
of excess stuff.  Letting go                                 Listening to the soul of the world…

We MUST FIND ANOTHER WAY is the point.

Practice staying in the love
being back in the love
            although it continues changeable

                                                                        I’m waiting on the moon to appear
                                                                        It’s 7.32pm & still
                                                                        bright. what’ll it
                                                                        be like in September?

            “Associative memory”

                                                Today I remembered that I
                                                walked over a mountain
                                                and thought if I did it once,
                                                I can do it again
Moments of panic
                                    My house donativo.

                                                physical fitness  readiness
                                    Feet & sore knee          tonic

The Evidence Locker – Jill Magid (2004) Liverpool

A friend of mine suggested I take a look at this project and it also came up in conversation in Annaghmakerrig with Florian.  When I went looking on the website, the artist Jill Magid has created a system where you have to sign up to receive the daily letters that she wrote to City Watch each day.  I signed up to receive them hourly on 15th April 2012, and received 31 letters with access to the daily videos from City Watch.  I went through them all today.  It’s a fascinating project and one that evolves in unexpected ways, I was initially most interested in how the artist was reporting back on her daily activities and how she communicated that through her letters, the various degree of detail of her housing, her walks through the city and her interactions with the watchers, as well as her interactions with people in her life unfolding throughout the project and what she writes about, the personal detail, the awareness of her physicality and her place in the city, and the beautiful poetic lines that intersperse the letters.

Letter 1.           physical appearance + video
2.                     describing small details “mostly tin and gold”
9.40 – 10.12pm
Mystery: [The letter in my back pocket]
5.                     [Record of the city on that day]
                        The relationship between her and him (watching)
                        how close they can get (the cameras and those operating them)
6.                     [Internal – external] Access
                                                                        Goddard & Film Noir – following
                        ‘Le Mèpris’
8.                     -smells.  internal monologue & external journey
                        personal – pregnancy test
9.                     cigarettes  “he carries his own space with him”
10.                   dreams. relationship developing.
11.                   time frames. eating.
12.                   period.
13.                   Blond wig – disguise/character – red coat. visibility
                        hates the wig then.
14.                   Bad day
15.                   “In the room that sees the city”
                        “I relate myself to the city by how you frame me in it” bag robbed
16.                   Map.
18.                   Personal life
19.                   white gloves – costume.  sadness felt
                        film changes style: graveyard
                        fascinating and boring simultaneously
20.                   windows – seeing [bearing witness]
                        “Like watching a movie”
                        she’s beautiful
21.                   acutely aware of her physicality, shadow cast, details picked up by camera “it would be nicer if they were white” – shoes
                        hotel window
22.                   white gloves white shoes red coat
23.                   sleep deprivation
                        “Then, for you, it’s always silent – your city without noise”
                        videos become more collaborative/planned together. ear piece
                        filmic staged [Physicality-movement-obscure?
                                                out of sync?]
24.                   eyes shut, he walks her around the city…
                        her life unfolding and developing throughout the project
                        How do the people in her life feel about it?
                        film: trying to write the letter, camera (he) tries to read it.
                        #2: sound for the first time – weird! His voice only
                        #3: leading her blind
25.                   their relationship unfolding his and hers – the biker code!
26.                   “Every public clock in this city admits a different time”.
                                    “I felt like being alone and I also felt lonely”.
27.                   she gets on with her life, but this is her life too for those
28.                   Her birthday
                                    film: running
29.                   “There I am.
                                                film- static
30.                   “snow changes the city”
                        “At the office on Maryland Street I was asked
                        when my mask will come off.  I don’t think I’m wearing one.”
sad it’s nearly over, the last letter, the last videos…

                        #2 film: like a drama trust exercise, let your partner lead you around the space, while you close your eyes & keep them closed.  no sound this time.
31.                   “This is my epilogue”
                        Bike ride
                        “I felt the calmest, the lightest and the dreamiest I
                        have felt in a long time.”
                        “We talked about bubbles.”
                        film: bike ride!

Last letter #31 but in the Evidence Locker there’s a single space after as if there is one more to receive, I hope so, I looked back to the prologue letter to see if there’s any mention of this.  There isn’t.